Synacky: Cut
by Dimeyi
Summary: Cut is a Synacky  Synyster Gates and Zacky Vengeance of Avenged Sevenfold , a BandSlash.  This is also a tribute to self-harm awareness/recovery, and a homosexual support story.
1. Part I: Falling Away

Chapter One.  
>Falling Away.<p>

* * *

><p>The life was draining from him. His eyes began to shut. Trying to speak, he was too weary to succeed. The words sputtered, but to make sense of them, impossible.<br>_Fall, fall away, you will wake again..._  
>A voice portrayed his thoughts. The voice calmed him, it lightened his soul. Hearing that voice, it made his life entirely numb.<br>_Sleep, child, sleep... you are losing the fight... just sleep._  
><em>I will...<em> He thought, in reliance to the voice.  
>The boy relied all too well.<br>"We're losing him!" A shockingly loud voice ran through the room. Adrenaline was rushing through everyone in the room, the tension made it obvious. Pressure was transmitted on to his body, as the anesthesia made everything blurry.

"He's waking up," Someone sounded excited. "Zack?"  
>The boy's eyes were heavy, he didn't want to reply. Groaning, his head turned to the side. He attempted to raise his head, and had to keep himself down. He was too weak to bring himself to.<br>"Zack?" The voice sounded again. Zack's energy had began to return to him, despite his tireless efforts to do something on response. His muscles were numbed from the pain. His skin felt cleaned from the toxic waste of a screaming child's tainted memories. There was no true feeling.  
>"Zack, please... if you can hear me, please, say anything; do anything. I don't care what it is... I just need something..." Familiarity had come to that voice. It was his voice, and only his, that made a warm smile weakly invade his lips. Zack's fingers began to twitch restlessly, and his eyes cracked open.<br>Brian... you're here... Zack thought. His heart warmed deeply, and a rush of warmth suddenly drowned his life-drained body with feeling. Zack's eyes opened more easily, just so he could be warmed by the sight of Brian, his best friend. Zack loved Brian deeply for the longest time, but seeing Brian with his girlfriend, Michelle, made him cringe. Zack was gay, and it was hard to even think about it. It was two years before, that Zack realized. That he was falling in love with Brian. His brown eyes, his wonderful smile, it made Zack shudder with joy. And to hear Brian say those words to him, while he felt his life clinging to his body with every ounce of strength left inside him, made him want to confess everything to Brian.  
>Zack's chest heaved wearily, and he forced himself to hold his hand out toward Brian. The last thing he felt was a soft hold on his hand, and everything faded to black again.<p>

"Zack, do you know why you're in the hospital?" The woman asked, sitting contently on the chair next to his bed, holding a pen and paper in hand, searching Zack's eyes fiercely for any sign of feelings. His only emotion shown, was a clouded gesture in his green eyes.  
>"Yes, but I don't know why I have to talk about it. I'm fine." Zack's voice was harsh, but so calm.<br>"You are not fine, or else you wouldn't be in the hospital for suicide attempt, and you wouldn't need me here."  
>"And I don't need you here." Zack retorted in a soft-spoken snap. His green eyes were content, as his hands calmly fidgeted his thumbs, rolling them around each other a few times, before resting his hands on his legs.<br>"Then could you show me your wrists?" The young woman asked, a challenging, menacing look in her eyes. Zack's eyes lit with hatred, and he reluctantly turned his arms over. Both of his wrists were scarred, left with indentions and discoloration from where his skin had been flayed with blades. His right wrist was still healing from the deepest cut he'd ever made. It was six days since he made it, and it didn't seem to heal.  
>Zack's eyes flooded with tears, and he jerked his hands away from the young woman when she gestured that she was going to touch his right arm.<br>"Don't touch me," Zacky snapped. His muscles tensed, and he demanded she leave.  
>It wasn't even an hour later, that Brian came to his room, and he had a large pepperoni pizza and snuck beer up with him.<p>

"You know, Zacky, this is what I miss. You and I just kicking back, doing whatever we want. Don't you?" Brian smiled. Zack could feel that Brian wanted to ask about the scars, and why he cut himself. Every few moments, Brian would glance down at Zack's wrists, then act like he didn't even notice it.  
>"You know, I'm not blind. I can see you're watching my arms. Ask whatever is on your mind." Zack okay'd Brian to ask questions. Brian made a sigh if relief, and the two both took a bite of pizza.<br>"Zacky, why did you do it...?" Brian immediately asked after swallowing his bite of pizza. Zack looked up at him and inhaled. He was about to just let the words of his hidden love for Brian pour out of his mouth.  
>"Honestly? ...I couldn't tell you." Zack lied. Brian sighed, and his eyes had gained a thoughtful look. Zack's eyes were drilling into his with defiance, and Brian returned the same look. Brian reached slowly toward Zack's wrist, and Zack was beginning to freak out. He forced himself to stay still, and he made a quiet eep! of anxiety. Brian reached slowly, and curved his hand around Zack's wrist, and turned his arm over. As soon as he saw the deep cut Zack made before, he gasped.<br>"Did you do this now...?" Brian sounded worried.  
>"No, it was what put me here. It just... won't heal." Zack sighed. All of a sudden, the tension grew high in the room, as Brian pulled Zack's arm up, and pressed his warm, soft lips to Zack's cut wrist. It felt so... loving. He wanted more. The only things stopping him: Brian was straight, and he had a girlfriend.<br>Brian's kiss was so warm, so bright, and so tender... it made Zack shudder, wishing he could kiss Brian all the time.  
>"Does it feel better?" Brian asked, holding Zack's wrist, but his hand slid down to holding his hand. Zack shook his head, and frowned. Brian frowned.<br>"What has been going on with you...? You seem to hate everyone, and be squirmy when some people come around you."  
>Zack took a deep breath. He was just going for it. He was going to dive into what could have been the worst day of his life.<br>"Not me... more like... you..." Zack avoided all eye contact he could have made with anyone.  
>"Why?" Brian asked, holding a steady grip on Zack's hand.<br>"Because, Brian... I'm gay, and as of two years ago, I'm falling in love with you." Zack just let the words drift, hoping Brian wouldn't freak out.  
>"Zack... is that why..." Brian directed the words at my wrists, and I nodded.<br>"Why did you do that? Why didn't you just tell me? Zack..." Brian's words trailed off, and his eyes filled with tears, and his other hand was placed on Zack's chin, moving his head to face Brian. Zack's eyes were already flooded with tears, and they had streamed down his pale face, smudging the faint eyeliner he had on below his eyes.  
>"Because, Brian... you couldn't be like me. You have Michelle, and I'm here on the sidelines, just hoping, when I don't realize it can't happen."<br>"You're right, Zacky. You're absolutely right. I couldn't ever love you. No matter what, you'll always be my best friend." Brian was right. He could never love another male.  
>"Brian...?" Zack locked eyes with Brian, letting his hand fall on to his lap, limply. Brian nodded in response, and the two both knew exactly what would happen there.<br>Zack placed his left hand on Brian's cheek, and guided him toward Zack. Brian didn't resist, he merely made the dragging moment move faster by putting his right hand on Zack's neck, and Zack's heart started racing.  
>This... here... is all I wanted for the past two years... Zack thought, as they both moved closer to each other, and the tension between them both was high.<br>Soon, Brian's lips hit Zack's gently, and everything seemed to spin around the two boys. Zack kissed Brian rapidly, and Brian didn't seem to mind. He kept kissing him right back, and they both kept going. Zack didn't realize what was really going on, until his hand was halfway up Brian's shirt, and the IV needle ripped at his arm. He tore himself out of Brian's arms. Brian looked away from "I've got to go..." Brian rushed out. Zack laid himself down, and he sighed. The young woman who came in once every week told Zack to keep track of his thoughts in a journal sue left to him. Zack picked up a pen and his journal, then opened it to the firs page.

_August 2nd, 2001 Dear Journal,_  
><em>Today, I just came out. I am gay. I realized it two years ago, when I fell in love with my best friend Brian. Today, I told him. We ended up making out on my hospital bed. My IV line was pulled on, so I sort of jerked away, and Brian flakes out. Why do I have to love my best friend?<em>


	2. Part II: Time Stands Still

Chapter Two.

Time Stands Still.

Brian hadn't visited Zack for three weeks since his hospitalization. None of his other friends minded to visit him. Neither of his parents visited. Nobody visited. Only that young therapist woman.

"Zack, when did you first cut?" The woman asked, readying herself to scribble notes down from reading his journal.

"The first time, when Brian and his girlfriend went off by theirselves and ditched me." Zack sighed. That day was hurtful.

"Come on, Bri! We have to go!" Michelle begged her boyfriend, tugging on his arm while holding his hand. Brian sighed, looking at Zack, like he was unsure.

"What about Zack?" Brian inquired.

"I'll be fine, just go. I'll catch up with you tomorrow." Zack assured Brian it was okay, but he knew how much it showed, that he didn't want Brian to go. Why was it that Brian made him feel so alive? What made it like that?

Brian shot an unsure glance to Zack, while Michelle smiled widely and dragged Brian along, tearing him away from Zack.

"Don't go, Brian..." Zack whispered as he watched his best friend go. The time had flown by, but it was such a miserable few hours, as he waited and waited by the phone at his house for Brian to call. He never did.

A few hours later. Nine o' clock at night.

Zack watched out the window.

"Hey, kiddo." Zack turned to see his mom, standing by the chair, resting a hand on his back and running her hand on it to show sympathy.

"Brian hasn't called, mom." Zack sighed in pain. It hurt. Brian and Zack agreed to always know where the other one was, at all times. Now that Michelle came along, she controlled his life, all the time.

"Zack, he's a teenage boy. He has a girlfriend, and he wants to spend time with her. You can't make him Satan for that. You're a teenage boy, too. Why don't you go out and find some girl to go and date?" Zack's mom tried to help Zack feel better.

"Why don't you start with taking that eyeliner off?" She suggested, reaching toward Zack's face. He frowned and threw her hand away miserably.

"I like my eyeliner. But why does she have to take my best friend from me? She is only making him replace me with her. I don't want her around, especially if she's replacing me like she is." Zack stated, watching out the window.

"Brian is supposed to stay the night tonight, too." Zack didn't want to sound obsessive over Brian, but he didn't like Michelle being around him and Brian at the same time. She seemed to convince him to go anywhere with her. Why was it that when a girl tried to use a charm, like she did on Brian, on Zack, did he get annoyed or ignore it? Why was it so easy to resist girls?

"Baby boy, he'll be back, trust me." Zack's mom assured him, with an insecure tone in her voice.

"Okay, mom. I need to wait for something now." Zack waved her off, and she left him alone from there.

Not long after, Zack's eyes laid upon two familiar people; Brian and Michelle. Zack opened the window slightly. He was listening curiously in to their conversation, after seeing Brian have such a guilty look on his face.

"Oh, come on, Bri. Just tell Zack your dad wanted you home, so you can come to my house. I'll walk around the block, and make sure he can't see me. Please, babe?" Michelle batted her eyes femininely and adorably at Brian, who melted to her smile.

"But he will know, Michelle."

"Oh, well, you still have me."

"But he's my best friend."

"Please?" Michelle asked again, kissing Brian gently.

"Fine," He sighed, knowing what promise he had broken.

"Zack, my dad said he wanted me home... I'm sorry... I'll see you tomorrow?" Brian was sounding guilty, that matched his face too well.

"Okay," Zack didn't want to make a scene of it, so he just 'believed' Brian.

For the next hours, Zack spent his time in his room, sitting in the back of his closet, crying his eyes out.

"You lied to me... I can't believe you..." Zack cried quietly, holding his fists tight, clenching his teeth and tears streaming down his face. Zack's arms and hands, along with his face, was covered in smudged eyeliner and tears. Brian, Zack's lifetime best friend, lied to him, just for his stupid little girlfriend.

No longer, would Zack be piling with emotions. What he suspected was true, he knew it now: Zack was gay, and he had fallen in love with his best friend. Even though he had a girlfriend, Zack was in love with him, and he knew it could never be real for he and Brian to be in love. It couldn't be.

Zack started crawling through his closet, digging through his stuff, until he found a black box. He opened it quickly and longingly. Neve again, would Zack need to show emotion toward anything, or feel the heartbreak of anything, ever.

Zack pulled out of the box, a fine, thin-bladed knife. He bit his bottom lip, and looked away, pressing the knife on his right wrist, and dragging it across his arm. The blood trickled down his arm, dripping on the floor after several minutes. He had smiled so sincerely to the blade, he continued doing it. Zack's arm was twitching feebly, as if wanting more.

For a split second, every time he slit his skin open, he felt the brink of happiness dawning in his heart. He wanted more, and everything he lived for didn't matter anymore. Nothing mattered anymore.

"That was the first time... ever." Zack explained the night out. The young woman nodded, completing some scribbly-looking notes.

"Keep it up, Zack. Keep up the journal entries. The more we get to know each other, the better you'll feel, sooner. I'll be back next week." She nodded, and left.

Zack looked at his cell phone, which had three bars of energy. He picked it up effortlessly. It was the first time in a long time he could do something without effort. He flipped it open, and saw he had a missed call. It was from... Brian!

Zacky excitedly called his voicemail, and entered his four-digit password.

"Listen, Zacky... about what happened, I wanted to come and talk to you. Before I come, I'd like you to call me, so I know you're not busy... it's important we talk about it." Zack heard a voice in the background.

"Bri, don't talk to that homo, he forced you into making out with him..." Is what Zack heard, along with some more choice words that he didn't want to think about.

"Brian...?" Zack immediately greeted as soon as he heard the phone be picked up.

"Zack," Brian replied in a content tone.

"The therapist-lady left a while ago. You're welcome to come to talk." Zack informed him, and Brian told him he was coming, so they could talk about heir little incident.

"Zack, you kissed me."

"And you didn't seem to mind," Zack added darkly.

"Zack, you're gay, and you told me you're in love with me."

"Tell me something I don't know." Zack sighed.

"But, I never got the chance to tell you how I felt." Brian looked up at Zack, who's eyes brightened with hope.

What was Brian going to say...?

The thoughts made Zack's pulse raise, and his heart race with anxiety. Zack loved Brian, he truly did.


	3. Part III: Arms

Chapter Three.

Arms.

"Zack, you want to know how I feel?" Brian asked, sitting in a chair beside Zack's bed.

"Brian, I want to know." Zack's voice was shaky. He truly didn't know what was going to happen, and he was shaking to death to know what he would say.

"Zack..." Brian's voice broke off into a desperate silence, and Zack wanted to just know what he felt. It was intense, and Zack was too tensed to say anything. He wanted to know; how did the man he loved feel?

"I have a girlfriend," Brian began, searching for his words quickly. Zack shut his eyes tight, and he tried hard not to let tears fall. This didn't sound very happy.

"And I'm happy with her. But I told myself, I could never love a male. The thing is, I never took the time to think; maybe that's what will make me happier, to be with a male." Brian was contradicting himself, trying to decide, as anyone could have seen.

"But I am happy being around you, Zacky." Brian sounded warm, like he wanted to be with Zack.

"And it came to me, that I should try out, to see if this is what's right, for both of us." Brian smiled and looked at his best friend. Zack started crying, and he wrapped his arms around Brian and pulled him close.

"I love you, Brian..." Zack managed to say through the tears of happiness. Brian held Zack, and he held Zack's hand.

"Zacky..." Brian held Zacky close to him, and his words were understood by Zack clearly, like he knew what he wanted to say.

"Don't cry," Brian sat on the bed by Zack.

"I'm just so happy, to know I didn't lose you. I've loved you for two years... I would die if I lost you." Zack rested in Brian's arms.

"The doctors said I can leave soon, at least by tomorrow." Zack announced to Brian, who hugged Zack more.

"Then what do you want to do?" Brian asked.

"I don't know. I'm almost nineteen, so it is about time I look for my own place to live." Zack began to think out a plan in his mind.

"What if your mom and dad make you stay home?" Brian asked.

"They won't. I won't let them." Zack told Brian.

Later that day, Zack's parents came to see him.

"Baby boy, we're sending you away, to make you get over this." Zack's mother instructed.

"Mom, I'm legally able to do what I want. I'm fine. I'm better." Zack assured his mother and father, who still seemed devastated about everything. Why was everything going wrong? Nothing was the way it should be.

"Zack, you need help."

"No! What I need, is for you to be away from me! Leave!" Zack demanded fiercely at his parents, who reluctantly and sorrowfully left, leaving Zack behind, to watch everything go.

Matt; gone. Johnny; gone. Jimmy; gone. Mom; gone. Dad; gone. Brian; nothing. Brian was the only one Zack felt he could turn to. The best thing was, Brian was willing to try it. He wanted to be with Brian, and Brian with him. Maybe now, Zack's life was beginning to fall into place; maybe it was beginning to fall apart, worse than it already had. Only time would tell.

A few days had passed, and the days had gotten to being much brighter days. Brian called Zack every morning and night (if he wasn't with him) to say good morning, or night. Zack felt it was right. Brian and Zack seemed to feel emotionally stable toward each other, so Zack felt secure. One little feeling in his heart was insecure, but he didn't know what for. Zack wrote two newer journal entries, both of which, included Brian in them. He didn't even consider cutting himself, or the sadness that led to it. Everything was bright and nice to be around to Zack.

"Knock, knock," Brian knocked on Zack's bedroom door, entering with a case of beer hidden by his side.

The doctors let Zack out of the hospital that night, and Zack reluctantly and was forced to stay at his parents' house. They wouldn't let him move out unless he was going to University. Brian was right with Zack when they let him out, and stayed that night that night, to make sure things would be okay for Zack at home.

"Come in," Zack greeted gaily, smiling at Brian.

"Someone is cheery today," Brian chuckled, sitting on the bed by Zack. It was dusk out.

"Just happy, that's all." Zack chuckled along with Brian. He then asked Brian why he came over so late.

"Because, I'm staying over, and we are having our first official date. Just for you, and celebration for your release from the hospital." Brian pulled two beers out of the plastic containing ring-thing. He handed one to Zack, and they opened them, making a toast to themselves, and Zack's self-harm recovery beginning.

"And I also want you to know, Zacky, if you ever feel like you need to talk about anything that might make you want to cut again, just talk to me, okay?" Brian sounded concerned. His voice was wavering with the smallest hint of doubt to Zack.

"What, did you think I want to?" Zack began to grow defensive, he felt like Brian was trying to accuse him.

"No, but it almost killed you, Zacky." Brian sounded worried; still.

How could Zack even try to keep Brian happy, if Brian was too caught up doing what Zack's parents were: watching. They all watched him, and everything he did. It was becoming nauseating. How could anyone deal with being watched like a baby all the time? A baby, obviously.

Zack decided he would just go with the date, and then see what happened from there. After all, how bad could it have gotten? Surely not too much worse than things were.

"So, date-planner, what are we doing first?" Zack asked, sliding over to Brian, and placing his arm around his shoulder.

"Well, I figured, we could go for a walk and chill out in a park." Brian shrugged.

"Yeah, that's going to be fun, even if the closest thing to that we can do, is watch a documentary of a park on TV, Brian." Zack stuck his tongue out, and pulled his arm closer to him, dragging Brian with it.

"I wouldn't mind a night by ourselves in your room." Brian smirked and his face leaned close to Zack's.

"I can arrange that," Zack looked suggestively at Brian, who nodded in agreement.

Zack got up, and ran downstairs, and after some time, convinced his parents that they were teenage boys who wanted to do teenage boy things. They decided to go off and do things for that night, while Brian and Zack had fun together.

"Parentals are taken care of," Zack cheered in a more talkative than cheer-ative way. Brian smirked.

"So, since this is my first male-on-male relationship, I suspect you know things already?"

"Not really. I don't consider myself experienced. I know what uke's and seme's are. Uke is the less dominant; Seme is dominant. That, and I need to be more into it to know more." Zack rubbed his neck.

"Then, let's test this out." Brian proposed to Zack the idea, and they both knew what would go on. Zack nodded, and Brian pulled Zack down on the bed with him, and then they rolled over, so Brian was pinning Zack down.

It didn't take long for the two to be making out in an aggressive force, both of them were. Brian's lips were hot on Zack's, and Zack didn't seem to mind his hands curiously moving over his body, and rest on Zack's sides, pulling his closer. Zack let out a groan, and he kissed Brian again, down his jawbone to his neck. With every kiss, he seemed to get more gentle. Brian's pounding heart seemed to slow down, and he held Zack close, now laying on their sides. Zack was leaned over Brian's body, kissing his neck softly. Brian was rubbing up and down Zack's back, which made Zack keep kissing Brian.

"Brian, I love this." Zack informed, sounding cautious, trying not to freak Brian out of how fast this was moving. Brian simply smiled and pulled Zack's lips to his own.

"I do, too." Brian rested his forehead gently on Zack's.


End file.
